GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!!!
*****NOTE--This was a blog post I had saved in drafts from winter of 2011 (thought I had published it....OOPS!!!!)********
*****NOTE--This was a blog post I had saved in drafts from winter of 2011 (thought I had published it....OOPS!!!!)********
So, since it's been CCCCOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDD and crappy out, Kim and I decided to start playing with the horses with a large beach-ball type ball.
Kim ordered the ball and we waited with baited breath for the package to arrive. The tiny box was shipped to us, and Joe with his trusty air compressor, helped us fill up the rubber ball and get the nylon sleeve on it so we could go out and play. This, my friends, is where the trouble begins. Blame it on wine, the cold, brain freeze, or whatever your heart desires, but Kim and I just weren't thinking during the ball deployment process.
First, we (3 of us, two of us being engineers--Kim's supposed to be the common sense for the two of us as we all know engineers have the common sense of an amoeba) all make the mistake of blowing up the ball to its fullest width INSIDE the house. We merrily bounce the ball to the front door to go out and show the horses--it bounces a couple gleeful times across the room and then promptly gets stuck in the doorjam. All three of us stare at the glorious, now obese-looking ball as it is mashed into the door and not moving. The sides of the ball look like a muffin-top sticking out of the wooden door frame. I'm stuck on the porch in the cold, Kim and Joe are stuck inside the nice warm house, heating the neighborhood with the door lodged open. We decide to remove the plug on the ball and let some air out, then snake the air compressor hose out the door and re-inflate. Of course, we're laughing the entire time at the fact that NONE of us thought about how we would get the ball outside.
At that point, we should have quit while we're ahead. Instead, we forge forward, determined to go introduce The Big Scary Ball to the horses. Now, let me insert a note in here--I'm a trainer. I have trained horses in the past to "play ball". I know how to introduce horses to the ball, as it can be quite scary, spooky, and intimidating at first to a horse. It bounces, it's colorful, and it's BIG. But what we didn't think about was what if said Big Scary Ball decided to CHASE a horse? Not possible? Read on.....
I have no idea what possessed us to simply toss the ball over the fence on the way down the driveway. We had the full intention of putting the ball over the fence, then walking to the front gate, going into the pasture, grabbing the ball and starting to work with the horses. The footing was slushy, as the ground had dealt with inches of snow and rain over and over for weeks. In retrospect, I think we fully expected the ball to just splat in the slush and stay until we walked into the pasture and retrieved it on the other side. Instead, we watched, horrified, as the ball bounced into the pasture and was caught by a gust of wind, taking the Big Scary Runaway Great Ball of Hellfire straight at Doc, Tiki, and Ariana who had been peacefully munching at the round bale. All three had watched with casual interest as Kim and I walked to the fenceline with a big colorful monstrosity. Their interest turned to terror as it was suddenly bearing down on them at high speed.
There was nothing Kim or I could do but watch the event unfold in slow motion. Doc and Tiki peeled off to the left around the round bale holder and headed for high ground by the road. Ariana peeled off to the right, went to the corner of the paddock, glanced once at the oncoming Ball of Death and sprung STRAIGHT UP vertically into the air with all 4 legs tucked to her belly and, 4 feet off the ground, and floated above the fenceline to the other side. It was like she was a great white hovercraft. We stood there in SHOCK. I have no idea how she managed to land on the other side with what looked like no forward momentum. Just up, float, and down, with some invisible winch pulling her slightly over the fence whilst in midair. She landed on the other side, planted all 4 feet, tail straight up in the air and tossed over her back, neck pined up, head on a swivel. Her eyes were big as plates and her nostrils flared, showing the delicate pink on the insides easily. It was a beautiful sight of raw power and fast-paced instinctual reactions that even our most domesticated horses are programmed with. Until she realized there was an open gate.......
Like in a cartoon, she spies the gate and Kim and I spy the gate at the same moment and race to the same location. We had been in the middle of hanging a new driveway gate up for moments just like these--just in case a horse ever got loose in the barnyard, we would still have them fenced in from any danger by keeping our driveway gated shut. We hadn't installed the hinges yet, so it was just leaning up against the fence, leaving the driveway wide open. We all spring into action at the same time. I yell to Kim "THE GATE!" and she manages to lift, swing, and prop the gate all the way shut JUST as Ariana's chest is reaching the gate. After grabbing a halter, lead, and some bribery materials, we catch her with little fanfare. Doc and Tiki look on with interest. They seemed to be commiserating on how they missed a golden opportunity to make an equally grand exit, but it no longer seemed worth the effort. Kim held Ariana outside the field as I grabbed the offending Flaming Ball Of Death from the bottom of the field and pushed it outside the field gate.
On a whim, we put Ariana back in the field with Doc and Tiki, hoping that she would learn from example that the Ball Of Death was actually not the flame-snorting monster she imagined once she saw Doc and Tiki partaking in more bribery to even come within a 50 foot radius of it. Alas, she would have none of it and actually spent her time trying to convince Tiki and Doc that the ball did indeed contain zombies and if they touched it, the ball would bite them and turn them into zombies too. Her propaganda campaign was being too effective, so we exiled her to her stall to convince Doc and Tiki that she spoke all lies......
Kim ordered the ball and we waited with baited breath for the package to arrive. The tiny box was shipped to us, and Joe with his trusty air compressor, helped us fill up the rubber ball and get the nylon sleeve on it so we could go out and play. This, my friends, is where the trouble begins. Blame it on wine, the cold, brain freeze, or whatever your heart desires, but Kim and I just weren't thinking during the ball deployment process.
First, we (3 of us, two of us being engineers--Kim's supposed to be the common sense for the two of us as we all know engineers have the common sense of an amoeba) all make the mistake of blowing up the ball to its fullest width INSIDE the house. We merrily bounce the ball to the front door to go out and show the horses--it bounces a couple gleeful times across the room and then promptly gets stuck in the doorjam. All three of us stare at the glorious, now obese-looking ball as it is mashed into the door and not moving. The sides of the ball look like a muffin-top sticking out of the wooden door frame. I'm stuck on the porch in the cold, Kim and Joe are stuck inside the nice warm house, heating the neighborhood with the door lodged open. We decide to remove the plug on the ball and let some air out, then snake the air compressor hose out the door and re-inflate. Of course, we're laughing the entire time at the fact that NONE of us thought about how we would get the ball outside.
At that point, we should have quit while we're ahead. Instead, we forge forward, determined to go introduce The Big Scary Ball to the horses. Now, let me insert a note in here--I'm a trainer. I have trained horses in the past to "play ball". I know how to introduce horses to the ball, as it can be quite scary, spooky, and intimidating at first to a horse. It bounces, it's colorful, and it's BIG. But what we didn't think about was what if said Big Scary Ball decided to CHASE a horse? Not possible? Read on.....
I have no idea what possessed us to simply toss the ball over the fence on the way down the driveway. We had the full intention of putting the ball over the fence, then walking to the front gate, going into the pasture, grabbing the ball and starting to work with the horses. The footing was slushy, as the ground had dealt with inches of snow and rain over and over for weeks. In retrospect, I think we fully expected the ball to just splat in the slush and stay until we walked into the pasture and retrieved it on the other side. Instead, we watched, horrified, as the ball bounced into the pasture and was caught by a gust of wind, taking the Big Scary Runaway Great Ball of Hellfire straight at Doc, Tiki, and Ariana who had been peacefully munching at the round bale. All three had watched with casual interest as Kim and I walked to the fenceline with a big colorful monstrosity. Their interest turned to terror as it was suddenly bearing down on them at high speed.
There was nothing Kim or I could do but watch the event unfold in slow motion. Doc and Tiki peeled off to the left around the round bale holder and headed for high ground by the road. Ariana peeled off to the right, went to the corner of the paddock, glanced once at the oncoming Ball of Death and sprung STRAIGHT UP vertically into the air with all 4 legs tucked to her belly and, 4 feet off the ground, and floated above the fenceline to the other side. It was like she was a great white hovercraft. We stood there in SHOCK. I have no idea how she managed to land on the other side with what looked like no forward momentum. Just up, float, and down, with some invisible winch pulling her slightly over the fence whilst in midair. She landed on the other side, planted all 4 feet, tail straight up in the air and tossed over her back, neck pined up, head on a swivel. Her eyes were big as plates and her nostrils flared, showing the delicate pink on the insides easily. It was a beautiful sight of raw power and fast-paced instinctual reactions that even our most domesticated horses are programmed with. Until she realized there was an open gate.......
Like in a cartoon, she spies the gate and Kim and I spy the gate at the same moment and race to the same location. We had been in the middle of hanging a new driveway gate up for moments just like these--just in case a horse ever got loose in the barnyard, we would still have them fenced in from any danger by keeping our driveway gated shut. We hadn't installed the hinges yet, so it was just leaning up against the fence, leaving the driveway wide open. We all spring into action at the same time. I yell to Kim "THE GATE!" and she manages to lift, swing, and prop the gate all the way shut JUST as Ariana's chest is reaching the gate. After grabbing a halter, lead, and some bribery materials, we catch her with little fanfare. Doc and Tiki look on with interest. They seemed to be commiserating on how they missed a golden opportunity to make an equally grand exit, but it no longer seemed worth the effort. Kim held Ariana outside the field as I grabbed the offending Flaming Ball Of Death from the bottom of the field and pushed it outside the field gate.
On a whim, we put Ariana back in the field with Doc and Tiki, hoping that she would learn from example that the Ball Of Death was actually not the flame-snorting monster she imagined once she saw Doc and Tiki partaking in more bribery to even come within a 50 foot radius of it. Alas, she would have none of it and actually spent her time trying to convince Tiki and Doc that the ball did indeed contain zombies and if they touched it, the ball would bite them and turn them into zombies too. Her propaganda campaign was being too effective, so we exiled her to her stall to convince Doc and Tiki that she spoke all lies......
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| Doc, Ariana and Tiki look at the ball outside the field with deep suspicion |
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| Kim stops to take a candid photo of Doc |
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| Bribery does wonders |
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| I give Tiki a hug to console her |
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| A more proper introduction to the Flaming Ball Of Death |
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| NOW we're getting the hang of it! Tiki begins to push the ball |
Eventually, after a bag of carrots and watching Kim and I desperately pretend that the snow was sand and this was indeed a lovely, fun beachball in the field, Doc and Tiki were convinced to come closer and inspect the ball. As Kim and I batted the ball back and forth to one another, laughing and encouraging them to come closer, they stood about 30 feet off like they were father and daughter on the sidelines of a tennis match, heads moving back and forth with each turn of the ball. We also learned that ice covering the snow + wind was not our best friend when it came to controlling the predictability of where the ball rolled to. I think we spent more time amusing them and sloshing our way down the field, playing fetch with ourselves than anything else. But, by the end they were approaching the ball, putting their noses on it and starting to push it around. Mission Accomplished. And we learned Ariana's closest cousin is apparently a Harrier Jet.
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